The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
