my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
