She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
