So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
