Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
