The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
