after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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