he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
