just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
