I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
