I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
