Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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