I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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