i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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