I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
