i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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