I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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