I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
