i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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