I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
