Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
