apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
