i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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