I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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