You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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