then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
pop tarts are not kleenex
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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