Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
