so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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