yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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