dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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