how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
