Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
