Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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