I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
