I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
