My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
