OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
