I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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