Nicole vs. Life
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
