Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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