it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
