Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
