You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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