Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
