Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
