he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
