Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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