Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
