It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
