Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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