I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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