So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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