That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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