It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
