i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
