then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
