did you get engaged???
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
