Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
