Someone shit on the floor
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
