Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
