For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
