he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We need to rekindle our bromance
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
