her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
