Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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