Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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