either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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