hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
