Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
