She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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