So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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