my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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